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Our mothers used to tell us, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." The Loser's mother should have told him, "If you don't have anything to say, don't say anything." But the Loser was never told this. Or maybe he was and he didn't listen. So here's the situation, fellas. Put yourself in the Loser's shoes: You have a sexy, 22-year-old redhead sitting on your couch.

It's easy to make fun of the Loser. He's an easy target. He asks the girls stupid questions. He can't keep his hand-held camera steady.

You flattie lovers out there are gonna love this one. The girl's name is Kylie Richards, she's 20 years old and from Pasadena, California, and she has absolutely no tits at all. Yep, she's nothing but nipple, and she's cute as can be with a very pretty face and a perfect little ass. Where does the "Loser" find these girls? One thing you gotta say about this guy: He might not know what to do with the girls once he finds them, but he definitely knows how to find them.

The Porn Loser is proud to present a barely-legal, 18-year-old California girl with measurements of 34-24-34 and an eagerness to fuck that's unmatched by most women twice her age. She's a brunette with a tight, cute body, nice, firm tits and a shaved pussy. She's wearing black, sexy, lace tights and a pink lingerie top. This girl is a winner.

Jordan, a 5'8", 128-pound, blue-eyed blonde from Kansas has a story. "My parents have been swingers for a long time," the 21-year-old beauty explains. "I wanted to do Playboy, so I figured, Why not try porn?" That makes no sense at all. Playboy isn't porn.